belated

This post has been a long time coming! It has been heavy on my mind! A dear friend of mine recently told me his mother said to him, "Kate needs to get her groove back!" Then not to long after a family member said to me, " You just don't seem happy!" Me? not happy. Me? Lost my groove.I knew that I was sucking at life but I honestly thought no one noticed. I used to be this girl, or at least I was in my mind, that was strong willed but easy going. I loved to laugh and be around people that made me laugh. I never let people stay in my life that only caused me pain.What happened to me? I have been pondering this question for a few weeks now. I have been in the midst of something painful for sometime now and because of the circumstances I have allowed myself to excuse things I never would have before. Slowly these painful things have destroyed qualities I liked in myself and made me into someone I don"t even know. I've lost myself, and this realization is the most painful thing of all. For too long I have played the victim but now I see there is no point. You can't control others! I would know, I have spent a large part of my life trying to change and reason with many different people. My Grandpa used to tell me often that the only person I could control in my life was me. I, of course, understood what he was saying. It is simple to understand but recently I have found new meaning in it. No, you can't control what others do and often times people will do things you don't like, even people you love. You can, however, choose to not be  victimized by others choices, even though they sometimes feel very personal. I have thought in my head many times why did I deserve to have a trail like this and when or if it would ever end. I know that the intention of my existence was not to feel hopeless, forgotten, or even sad. So I being a logical person and one that truly understands the things written above have vowed to rise above the pain and become that girl I once knew. To stop losing myself because I am desperately trying to fix something that is beyond my control. Here's to loving myself again!