belated

This post has been a long time coming! It has been heavy on my mind! A dear friend of mine recently told me his mother said to him, "Kate needs to get her groove back!" Then not to long after a family member said to me, " You just don't seem happy!" Me? not happy. Me? Lost my groove.I knew that I was sucking at life but I honestly thought no one noticed. I used to be this girl, or at least I was in my mind, that was strong willed but easy going. I loved to laugh and be around people that made me laugh. I never let people stay in my life that only caused me pain.What happened to me? I have been pondering this question for a few weeks now. I have been in the midst of something painful for sometime now and because of the circumstances I have allowed myself to excuse things I never would have before. Slowly these painful things have destroyed qualities I liked in myself and made me into someone I don"t even know. I've lost myself, and this realization is the most painful thing of all. For too long I have played the victim but now I see there is no point. You can't control others! I would know, I have spent a large part of my life trying to change and reason with many different people. My Grandpa used to tell me often that the only person I could control in my life was me. I, of course, understood what he was saying. It is simple to understand but recently I have found new meaning in it. No, you can't control what others do and often times people will do things you don't like, even people you love. You can, however, choose to not be  victimized by others choices, even though they sometimes feel very personal. I have thought in my head many times why did I deserve to have a trail like this and when or if it would ever end. I know that the intention of my existence was not to feel hopeless, forgotten, or even sad. So I being a logical person and one that truly understands the things written above have vowed to rise above the pain and become that girl I once knew. To stop losing myself because I am desperately trying to fix something that is beyond my control. Here's to loving myself again!

The bathroom experience

You may be wondering what exactly this post could be about! Don't worry I am not about to describe in great detail anything associated with the bathroom that the public doesn't need to know about! First off I am writing this post from my nice big bath tub, which I have become very fond of lately. It's a big source of relaxation for me and with two girls nearing the age of two and me discovering that the "terrible " often associated with the age 2 is NOT an exaggeration, the need for relaxation has become quite prevalent in my life. Today, though, I needed to blog and this may be my only moment of peace. If your a friend on facebook you know that today I started the journey of potty training with my twin girls! I will admit, I am not ready for this and I honestly think my kids are still too young (only 20 months) . Although, despite my efforts, they take off their diapers every time they have a chance! Now when I say efforts I mean : tape, onesies, and tried to help them understand their diapers need to stay on. All failed. Which has resulted in poop and pee on my floors more times than I can count. Cleaning that up gets old fast! For almost a month now my kids have willing sat on the toilet and gone through the appropriate steps: wipe, flush, wash hands, and dry them! They have never actually put anything in the toilet besides toilet paper. I felt like if I could just get them to pee once, they would understand! I tried bringing them in the bathroom with me and watching potty time with Elmo (who they love). Still nothing! Yesterday after a couple of poopy nap incidents, I had had it! No new diapers for these girls, I was determined to watch them and get them to the potty in time! I failed 4 times, it happened so fast! That night after the girls feel asleep I decided I needed to get ready to potty train. So I finished reading a book on training I had started and got a plan together and then ran to walmart to get what I needed. This morning I was pumped and the girls loved their "big girl " panties. I pumped them full of milk and juice whatever they wanted to drink. Then I waited. A couple of times I could tell they needed to pee so we went to the potty and sat and read books, sang songs. Nothing. One time after Audrey had been sitting on the toilet for a good 5 minutes, she gets down and within a minute pees. There went my patience! The last 4 hours were a waste! Diapers were back on, lunch was served, and off to bed they went! Only, of course, to discover, as usual, them still awake an hour and half later no onesie, no diaper. So here I am hoping better news is headed my way but for now I'm trying to find sanity in my bath tub! I hope it helps! :)

Beneficial

Beware readers this is a post about the strange things a girl like me thinks about!!!

 Lately I have been thinking about the things that we hold on to in society and the things that fall by the wayside. For instance, and this my not be the best example but most of us depend on others to grow, tend to, and harvest our food whereas once upon a time it was a lot more common to do this yourselves. In my life time, which is roughly 24 years I have watched technology change and grow and leave me in AW time and time again. This is a wonderful blessing in my life but it also has had me thinking of what the future holds. I recently finished reading a book with one of those dystopian plots where the government has far too much control. Ya know, the kind of book that seems to be a very popular theme these days, forbidden love, self discovery, adventure. The kind of stuff a girl like me loves to read. In the"society" of this book, they no longer have the ability to write, because they all type on their little personal computers so the "need" for writing is gone. I know it may be a strange thing to do but I always look for similarities to our society in books like this and the disappearance of writing from within this society leads me to wonder, could our society ever lose the ability to write? Possibly it is still the same as it was when I was in school but I know by the time I got to high school the more papers were typed instead of hand written. By my college years it was all typed. It is possible that this is just the natural progression of school and I of course would like my children to learn both typing and writing. It is just an interesting thought I had which lead me to this:

 

Busy

This is a great way to describe my life lately!!! As many of you know my little sister Shel is getting married in about a month. This has been an exciting time in our family BUT also very busy. Shel is also in hair school which is Tuesday-Saturday 9 to 5. So basically she has Mondays to work on wedding stuff because of course Sundays are a day of rest. I have been trying my best to pitch in and be there but of course I also have 2 babies that still require a lot of my attention, even though they think they are big shots. On top of trying to help my sister, my kids each spent about a week sick and of course it was not simultaneous. I also have been trying to work on making my house feel more like a home instead of like we just moved in. It still has a ways to go and I have learned a few things about the importance of measuring things and cheap generally looks cheap. Surprise I know. Haha.

So needless to say, blogging has not been on my top priority list lately. Although, I have felt the need to be blogging for the last week or so but I am quickly learning that even though I hate trying to work on a computer when my girls are awake because they are drawn to the computer like I am to anything chocolate, it is easier to blog during the day. I also have been feeling like a lame blogger because of my lack of pictures so I FINALLY have some pictures to post. I finally added an old picture of myself that hopefully will be replaced soon but I am having some serious picture of myself hatred at the moment. So who knows maybe I will use phtotoshop to do a little bit of technological cosmetic surgery.
The pictures I am posting are mostly of some valentines crafts (which you will notice are all complete so I am saying they are half done for next years valentines day) and things I have been working on for my sister. 

Babies

A while back I started a little advice book for my kiddos and I know have blogged about it before on my family blog, so if this is a kind of repeat from something I have blogged about before I am sorry. I have been thinking a lot about writing down all my favorite moments with my kids. I want to have something for them to look back on and read because they will never remember these sweet little moments from right now. So every time I have one of those tender moments, where I think I couldn't possibly love my kiddos anymore I think I will blog about it.

Breaking

To start this post off, let me just apologize for not having any pictures on here yet...... I'm working on that. Breaking........ um yeah, these last few days have been about embracing breaking of all sorts of things. For starters, this week has not been the best for my running routine. In fact, I have not run at all!!! I was feeling like a loser for already slacking on one of my new years goals and then I semi made up for it. On Friday we went out with some friends and played Wolleyball. Which was a lot of fun but it definitely came with it's price. Yep, bruises on my arms and some old lady back pain.

Brave

This entire week has been about me embracing that word. Brave. For those of you who know me well you know that brave is not a word to describe me. I hate roller coasters, actually most rides for that matter, which is why I love Disneyland......... super mild rides. I am always freaking out about Trevor's driving because he drives like a typical boy that thinks it's funny when girls sit in the passenger seat afraid for their lives. I am incredibly afraid of the dark and I freak myself out frequently. In fact, I remember when I was in 3rd grade I watched The Candy Man at a friends house and for months after that I couldn't shower without someone keeping watch to make sure there were no creepy ghosts lingering.